First Chapter

Every single day for the past year, at least one person has reached my blog,, searching for information about how to help a friend after her baby dies. Hardly a week goes by that I don’t get a few messages asking me advice from compassionate friends that want to help, but don’t know how. I decided to create this eBook—to circulate for free- as a resource for babyloss mothers to give to their friends and for friends to stumble upon when they need it. You are absolutely free to print it, share it and pass it on to anyone it may help. Just don’t sell it or change it.

I’ll start with some words about terminology. Words become both daggers and soothing massages after the loss of a child, and there’s a whole new language to learn. In this book, a baby is baby no matter the age of the child—a few weeks after conception, hours after birth or 32 weeks in utero. After all, as Dr. Seuss wrote, “A person is a person no matter how small.” Mothers that lose their child often refer to themselves as “Babyloss mothers.” Everyone has a different preference when it comes to terminology though. Some mothers don’t like their baby called an “angel” while others are comforted by the thought.

When I wrote a series on my blog about what to do, and what not to do, after a baby dies, I started each post with a huge disclaimer. Every mother is different. We all grieve differently. Writing a book about how your friend might be grieving is a daunting task. That’s exactly why this book is needed, though. Often our friends become paralyzed in fear of saying the wrong thing or helping in the wrong way, or they assume that the mom doesn’t want much from them because she doesn’t reach out. We babyloss mothers can be a scary group to reach out to. Our hearts are full of love for our babies, but half the time, we’re not sure what we want. I don’t assume to tell you exactly how your friend feels. No one can do that. I urge you to ask her whenever in doubt. I hope this book helps you understand some of the feelings, thoughts and behaviors of mother’s that lose babies.

Mostly, I hope this book helps you truly accept and honor how your friend decides to grieve and remember her child. There is no wrong way to grieve.

Your friend will need you. Thank you for thinking about her and how you can best help her.

This book is meant to be read however is best help to you. Read it straight through or use the index to find sections that you’re interested in reading

© When Your Friend's Baby Dies, AllRightsReserved.